Exotic Fruits of My Labor

Whether it’s traveling the world, publishing that novel that’s been in your head and on paper since high school, or living to see your kids grow up and have families of their own, we all have something we want to do before we die. For some foodies (be they world-class chefs or lowly bloggers and food writers who write about world-class chefs), their goal is to try new and exotic foods. Cuisines from around the world, a healthy spin on a favorite snack, a meal/snack that was popular in the past and can be recreated today, anything locally grown/made from scratch, a popular dish from a hole-in-the-wall eatery– those are all common items on the culinary bucket list. My culinary bucket list is no different, only I have a few culinary things I’ve done that some either wouldn’t have put on the list or haven’t done yet.

  • I got involved in a culinary education program and graduated (Job Corps does count. I know it’s not as glamorous as The Restaurant School, but I don’t want to put myself deeper in student loan debt).
  • I ate at Claudia Sanders (a Kentucky restaurant created by the wife of Colonel Sanders [the man behind Kentucky Fried Chicken]).
  • I went to two culinary expos (one in Kentucky and one in San Francisco)
  • I went to a wine tasting — one year as a greeter and another as a…well, I don’t know what I was. I originally came in to be a prep cook for one of the booths, but then I was put in charge of refilling the water pitchers, then put in charge of dishwashing. I was tossed around more times than a salad, but it was worth it, because when does someone like me get to see wine snobs up close?
  • I experienced firsthand what it’s like to work in the foodservice industry (and now have a better appreciation of those who do. I may never get another job in foodservice, but at least I know about the trials and tribulations of front- and back of house service, especially when I worked as a waitress for Chef Ron Schoenberg’s class and when a miscalculation caused me to run out of aioli for fried calamari in the middle of service. Мне очень жаль, Chef Valdet).
  • I learned baking from a German baker (Dankeschön, Kopf Egon!)
  • I ate at In-and-Out Burger. Sadly, I didn’t have any secret menu items from it, but it’s nothing a copycat recipe can’t fix. For my money, though, I like Carl’s Jr. better. Maybe I should have gone for the Double-Double special if I wanted a hamburger meal that will put me in a temporary food coma on a lazy weekend afternoon.
  • I got to work with sugar and chocolate art in pastry class. I even have pictures:

Chocolate Designs 1 P01-09-12_10.50

The sugar flower was very hard to do. I don’t know if you know this, but working with sugar that’s been heated to almost near-boiling point (by water standards) is not for those with delicate hands or a low tolerance for pain from burns. Once you get used to it, though, it’s almost like working with glass — and I should know. I went to a college where making art from molding and coloring glass was a legitimate major.

  • I got to try milk and cheese that didn’t come from a cow. Might not seem like much, but when you’re away from what you’re used to, you do begin to realize how boring it is and want to try something different.
  • I traveled to San Francisco and went to the Ferry Building Farmer’s Market. It’s a very nice place to go on sunny weekends (which is almost always in California. It only rained, like, twice when I was there, and snow is almost unheard-of, unless you live in Northern California) and you get to sample most things there, from homemade soda to foods I’ve never tried.

…Which leads me to my next point. Thanks to my time at Job Corps for Culinary Arts (February 2010 to September 2012), I’m still on the look-out for foods I haven’t tried, recipes I want to do for the family, and relatively unknown eateries I want to visit. One of the items on my culinary bucket list: trying out exotic fruits.

Now, this may not seem much like a feat, but some of the supermarkets around my town only have the “safe” exotic produce (and by “safe,” I mean “Everyone has tried this at least once in their lives”), like pineapple, coconut, banana, lime (which I love sliced in wedges or in circles and sprinkled with salt for a bare-bones margarita. You can dip the wedges or rounds in tequila before you salt them if you like your margaritas the way you like your women or men: not a virgin), blood oranges, mangoes, and papaya. I’m interested in the kinds of fruits  that either aren’t readily available in the United States or are only available either at a farmer’s market or as juice or part of a juice blend.

Here are some of these fruits I’ve tried, and some that I want to try.

Fruits I’ve Tried

1)

This first fruit I found was when I went shopping at this store called Produce Junction. They were labeled as “lychees,” even though a lychee’s skin is thinner and not as “hairy.” What I was eating was a rambutan, which is larger than a lychee, has a larger seed in the middle, and a flesh that taste vaguely like a white grape. My youngest sister, Ashley, took the last one I had (I bought four), then told me, “Don’t buy any more hairy grapes.” Siblings can be so cruel.

The rambutan, part of the Sapindaceae family and related to the lychee, the mamoncillo (Spanish lime), and the longan (but not the loganberry), is a Southeast Asian plant native to the Indonesian Archipelago, but has spread westwards to Thailand, Burma (Myanmar), Sri Lanka and India; northwards to Vietnam, and the Philippines. Much like humans, the tree of this fruit can be male (producing only staminate flowers and, hence, produce no fruit), female (producing flowers that are only functionally female), or hermaphroditic (producing flowers that are female with a small percentage of male flowers). The fruit is round to oval (described as being as big as a golf ball or an average-sized testicle, depending on who you ask) and the seed inside is flat and, in Southeast Asian cuisine, edible — something I wish I knew before I ate just the flesh of it. Oh, well, next time.

There’s another fruit that looks like this (or at least has the same flesh and seed) called the pulasan, which is native to Malaysia, but has grown in the same places as the rambutan (mostly The Philippines, Vietnam, and Thailand).

2)

This isn’t an orange. It’s a kumquat, which tastes like a really sour-to-bitter orange, and, unlike the orange, you can eat the entire thing whole and don’t have to worry about the pith. Credit goes to Chef Georgia Murphy (the Fine Dining instructor I first met. Sadly, I never had her as a teacher because she left) for introducing me to this fruit. Like the rambutan, no one in my immediate family likes this fruit, except for me.

The kumquat fruit grows from a slow-growing evergreen shrub or hydrophytic short tree with dark green leaves and white flowers (similar to its more common citrus relatives). Depending on the conditions, can produce hundreds to thousands of kumquats annually. Like the rambutan, the kumquat is found in Southeast Asia, but the kumquat has also been found in other Asian countries, like Taiwan, India, and Japan, and has even been cultivated on some islands on the Pacific Ocean.

3)

You have probably seen this fruit a lot on beautifully-crafted fruit baskets (Edible Arrangements does them all the time) and assumed they were pineapples cut into star shapes. I thought that’s what they were as well, until I read in my culinary notebook that star-shaped fruit does exist.

Starfruit (real name: carambola) and the tree on which it grows can be found in the tropical regions of the world, particularly in the Asian countries of India, Sri Lanka, The Philippines, Bangladesh, and Indonesia, but the trees also grow in the South Pacific and even the Caribbean. Don’t let the bright orange color fool you. This is not a citrus fruit. Speaking from experience, the taste is more on-par with a honeydew melon with a hint of cucumber. Besides using it as an interesting piece in a fruit basket, you can use it as an interesting piece in fruit salad (or a green salad. Hey, if grapes, tomatoes, and cranberries can do it, then this fruit can too). And don’t rule this out when grilling fruit (it tastes just as good as grilled pineapple on a hamburger) or using it in making flavored water.

The best looking star fruit may not be the most ripe and delicious, so choosing the right one is important. Your best bet is to find the fruit with the least amount of green on the edges and the richest orange color. This could mean there are some brown edges, but don’t let that deter you. It’s still good.

4)

The stamen does look like something from a low-rent sci-fi movie about aliens, but what girl wouldn’t want this as a corsage or the centerpiece of a dress or wedding veil? I know I would.

You’ve probably seen this around — maybe not the actual fruit, but its juice has made appearances — both solo and with other juices (even if it’s artificially flavored). The top pic is a passion fruit (if you’re reading this in South Africa, then this is known to you as a purple granadilla; if you’re reading this in Hawaii, then it’s a lilikoi), a fruit from the vine plant Passiflora edulis. Its flower (shown below) looks like the kind of flower that has graced the wrists of many a dolled-up prom queen or a bride who wants a wedding that’s part fairy tale, part Polynesian/South Pacific paradise. Passion fruit gets its name, not because the fruit is said to be an aphrodisiac, but because parts of the flower will remind Christians and Roman Catholics of Jesus’ crucifixion (often referred to as “The Passion of the Christ”), in this case, the tendril-like petals circling the plant’s reproductive organs look similar to the crown of thorns Jesus had to wear as he was carrying the cross on which the Roman soldiers would nail him. Grisly, I know, after I said that the flower looked like it could be on a corsage or a wedding veil, but that’s the beauty of this blog: you get gritty, disturbing facts and whimsical opinion/kooky observation all in one sitting.

Passion fruit is native to Brazil, but have also grown in Central America (the countries between Mexico and South America, like Honduras and Costa Rica), the Caribbean (specifically Haiti and The Dominican Republic), the United States (California, Florida, and Hawaii, as those states have the right climate to grow this type of fruit), Asia (west and east, meaning that you can see passion fruit plants in Israel as well as Cambodia), and in Australia. Basically, any place that’s always warm and doesn’t have to worry about snowy conditions is where passion fruit thrive.

Passion fruit comes in two varieties: the purple one with the yellow and black seed sacs (which I have tried and is what is commonly used when bottling passion fruit for commercial use) and a vanilla type that’s elongated, yellow, and has a pale green flesh that (surprise, surprise) taste like vanilla. I don’t know if you can use it as a substitute for vanilla beans like people do with vanilla extract, but if you can find the vanilla passion fruit, it does make for a good frozen treat flavor. Can you imagine vanilla passion fruit ice cream with dark chocolate chips or vanilla passion fruit sorbet served as a tasty palate cleanser between meals?

For cost reasons, the actual passion fruit isn’t used often in the kitchen, unless you’re an ambitious pastry chef/pastry instructor with connections and/or money to burn, as I have seen pictures of passion fruit pulp used as a topping on high-end restaurant-style desserts. (You know the kind I mean: the kind served on plates with sauce fancifully drizzled over the dessert, the ice cream is molded into quenelles rather than scoops, the portions are small and the price is somewhat more outrageous than what you had to shell out for the entree, but the flavor usually makes up for it, and the dessert itself is often soaked in an after-dinner liqueur and lit on fire for dramatic effect — I’m looking at you, cherries jubilee, crêpes Suzette, and bananas Foster). Most chefs find that it’s just better to use canned nectar or passion fruit juice and only use the actual fruit if you’re making a jelly or pastry filling.

Like with the rambutan, I found and bought passion fruit at a produce store. In this case, however, it was Iovine’s Organic Produce at the Reading Terminal in Center City, Philadelphia last summer. It didn’t cost much ($2.99, I believe) and wanted to try it just for the purpose of making a blog post about it (in fact, this originally was supposed to be the second or third post, but I had a hard time making it work). You’d think a fruit like this would have a taste that’s out of this world. Well, it does and it doesn’t. It has a creamy flavor and its juice is infinitely better than what you can get at the store, but that’s if you can handle the tart flavor that almost parallels what pomegranate tastes like. Not saying I can’t handle tart flavors, it’s just that I expected passion fruit to be different since it’s a more-or-less rare fruit and not many people have tasted it. It’s similar to how people say most meats taste like chicken, despite how exotic and uncommon it is (though I’ve had lamb and goat before, and you will never hear me say that they taste like chicken, beef, or pork).

And that’s where I am in trying rare/weird fruits on my Culinary Bucket List. I want to reach ten, so that means I have six more to go. I know the next fruits I want to try are dragonfruit (pitaya), mangosteen, and, the smelliest fruit on the planet, durian.

Which exotic/tropical/rare fruits do you, my readers, think I should try. The comments section is yours to offer suggestions.

Thanks, and Happy Eating!

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Kitchen Fever Dreams: A Look at “This Is Why I’m Broke”

Before I start my blog, I’d like to apologize to my readers for dragging my feet on updating this blog. I’ve been searching for steady work, and so far, I’m either in waiting or rejected. On top of that, I was having writers’ block on how I wanted to approach this blog (yes, I still owe my readers part two of my barbecue lesson, but now’s not the time for it). It’s my baby, but I also want it to be different than the others. Then I realized that if I have a good idea or an opinion about food, restaurants, markets, and kitchen stuff, I should just jot it down in a notebook and come here ASAP (and that my over-thinking is getting in the way of my acting on a lot of major creative decisions).

Which is why I’m here today.

My aimless Internet surfing has lead me to many websites featuring kitchen equipment and ingredients (for the home kitchen, the commercial kitchen, and the institutional kitchen), though none have reflected how nerdy and excessive we as a people have become (thanks, in no small part, to the Internet)  than the food and drink section of the website, This is Why I’m Broke (http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com).

Now, some of This Is Why I’m Broke’s kitchen equipment and food seems like things I would “unironically”  have/eat (whatever that means to anyone who isn’t a hipster. I guess it means I wouldn’t be ashamed to have or eat it), such as…

Chopstick Eating Utensils

Chopstick Eating Utensils: I’ve been teaching myself how to eat with chopsticks (by practicing with pencils) from a young age. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to add another useful/useless skill to my full arsenal. Maybe I wanted to eat like an East Asian (Chinese, Korean, Japanese) person. Who knows? With this, I don’t have to furtively pocket extra chopsticks when I order a Chinese noodle dish, or, failing that, ramen noodles. They look kinda plastic, like something from KFC, and the $7.89 price tag isn’t doing anything to convince me otherwise.

Slate Coasters

Slate Coasters: I’d probably only use them once, for a Flintstones/prehistoric-themed party, but they look a lot classier than the ones casinos give out or the ones that look like ashtrays (and probably were used as such).

Green Tea Kit Kat Bars

Green Tea Kit Kat Bars: The milk chocolate Kit Kat has been my favorite for years. I’ve had the white chocolate Kit Kats too, but not as often as I’d like. I know a dark chocolate one exists, but I prefer my dark chocolate to be more upscale or organic, like Ghiradelli, Lindt, Godiva, and  Dagoba (though I’ve had Reese’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups. They taste almost like the ones you’d find at a homemade candy shop). Green tea flavored Kit Kats are found in Japan, but thanks to online shopping and San Francisco’s Japantown, you don’t have to go far to find it. I haven’t tried it, but, if it’s anything like Haagen-Dasz’s green tea ice cream, it’ll (a) taste good to me, but not anyone else, and (b) it  will have a slightly off aftertaste.

Any of the offbeat cookie cutters: They’re so much more creative than the ones used for Christmas or the animal-shaped one used all-year. You have the Game of Thrones ones for fantasy geeks, Tetris and Pac-Man ones for video gamers and 1980s nostalgia-holics, zombie ones for zombie heads (and anyone you know who has the characteristics of a zombie: dead eyes, bad posture, unholy stench, limping gait, only speaks in grunts, moans, and monosyllables, so probably your elderly relatives or your teenaged/20-something-year-old son), iPhone-shaped ones for techies and Appleheads, and a 3D dinosaur cookie cutter set for those who want to reenact Jurassic Park (the first one), make a model replica of the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event for either high school biology or your culinary school’s Food-Based Centerpieces course, or want a bit more of a dimension to their dinosaur cookies that these can’t provide.

Square Ice Cream Scooper

Square Ice Cream Shaper: This is a godsend for people like me who are amazed at how dessert, pastry, and confection chefs can turn a pie à la mode into modern art and want to emulate that, like my pastry and confection teacher, Chef Kin Joe. The sticker price ($14.99) could be a bit lower, but it’s worth it. And even if it isn’t, you can achieve the same effect by scooping some ice cream into a biscuit cutter or a cleaned out soup can with both lids removed.

However, for every one of those, there are some cookware/flatware/kitchen appliances on that site that make me wonder, “Really? Is this what people want these days, whether as a joke or seriously?” It’s not in my place to judge someone for their purchasing decisions (maybe you’re having a themed party or are at that impressionable age where you think fads will make you cooler), but if I met you and you had this in your house for visitors to see, I’m going to make a lot of hilarious, yet broad (and, at times, politically incorrect) jokes and assumptions about it in my head, to my sister (who also shares in my broad, un-PC humor), and on this blog. No disrespect; it’s just how the world works now. Everyone is fair game, whether they like it or not.

Like this wonderful piece:

Trash Can BBQ

No you’re not seeing things and it’s not a Photoshop or a still of a parody product from Saturday Night Live or any SNL-esque sketch series  (either on TV or online). It’s a barbecue grill that’s shaped like a trash can. It goes for $78.22, which I think is too much. For less than that, you can find the kind of trash cans that Oscar the Grouch calls home on alibaba.com (or any store that still has those kind of trash cans. They are becoming a dying breed, thanks to recycling bins and Rubbermaid) and build a charcoal pit inside of it. Judging by the legs and feet of the individual using the product, I take it that college students are the main demographic for this product, probably to practice for their post-college life of living in an alley roasting dead rats and pigeons over a trash can fire while struggling to find work to pay off the exorbitant student loans they’ll owe back to the school. The implications to this just seem unfortunate, even if it is meant to be joke.

You Have Been Poisoned Glass

Yes, it’s a gag glass, but this is just begging to be used as “People’s Exhibit A” in a murder case that started out as a harmless prank. Besides, if one were to poison someone’s glass, that person would be secretive about it, and come up with a million alibis for it. I’ve seen enough Investigative Discovery shows to write at least three murder mystery novels featuring a poisoning. See also: the “Big Mistake” plate.

Vegetable Grilling Clips

There’s nothing wrong with this vegetable grilling clip, but I think a $14.95 price tag is outrageous. I can go down to either WalMart or a discount beauty supply store that caters to women of color and get at least three packs of hair clips big enough to hold asparagus spears or carrot batonnets together on the grill — or, better yet, eschew the vegetable clips all together and just place the long, skinny vegetables on the grill at an angle at which they won’t risk falling through the grates.

Gummy Worms Cereal

$38 for sugary cereal?! Are you mad? I can get sour gummi worms for $1.00 and a sugary cereal of my choice (I’m a sucker for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Golden Grahams) for two or three dollars (depending on whether or not I’m buying a no-brand version of Cinnamon Toast Crunch that tastes just like it). That leaves $33, $34 that I can use for other things (except for useless kitsch) or put towards a savings account. On top of that, that product looks like something you’d find in a parody commercial, making fun of childhood obesity.

Edible Chocolate Anus

That is a chocolate anus. Yes, really. Fortunately, it doesn’t have a filling in it, but still, it’s a sign that there are some body parts you just shouldn’t recreate with chocolate. I don’t mind erotic cakes or confections shaped like breasts or penises. Food and sex go together like whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and the hot, naked body shuddering in ecstasy as his or her lover dollops the cream (or drizzles the chocolate) all over him or her. This, however, is not going to appeal to most people (except for the anal and butt play fetishists crowd), even if you lie and say it’s a molar with a really deep cavity in it.

Candy LEGO Bricks

Candy Lego Bricks: These are a lot like candy cigarettes or those European chocolates with plastic candies in them: all it takes is one kid to choke on it (or, in the case of the candy Legos, mistake a real Lego for a hard, tasteless candy Lego) and soon, you’ll have One Million Moms protesting over these and they’ll be recalled. This, my friends, is why we can’t have nice things.

On that note, I’d like to thank you for reading. Good day, and happy eating.